::my perfect world::

the ideal boy law.

2007-08-25T18:23:00.000+08:00

I HATE CHEM.

okay just needed to rant,its bloody annoying, and illogical.
the mechanisms don't make sense,neither do the behaviour of the compounds.
i mean why have an ideal gas law,if they don't even actually exist?
sheesh.
but at least i've managed to draw a parallel between chemistry and life.

the ideal gas law states that real gases tend to ideal gas behaviour at high temperatures and low pressure, but deviate from ideality because of low temperature and high pressure.
and now applying this law to the real world,
in terms of guys,
the ideal boyfriend would be totally hot, yet not pressurizing you into doing things you don't want to do,
while in reality,jerks are aplenty, the not-so-hot kind who always want more.
who would have thought that the ideal gas law and the Ideal Boy law were so similar?
haha..so,
prelims are 14 days away?
man,i'm scared.

now i've just gotta find a chem tutor who looks like scofield.

steady as she goes

2007-05-28T16:18:00.000+08:00

find yourself a girl, and settle down

lead a simple life in a quiet town.

what wouldn't i give for that.
except it'll be a guy,not a girl.
and it has to be a seaside town.

slippery slope

2007-05-21T22:30:00.000+08:00

it's easy to make me happy.
give me flowers,love n a bottle of champagne,
perfect grades perfect hair perfect skin.

or just get me a K800i!
hahah..i love my new phone!

in pink hues

2007-05-11T23:23:00.000+08:00

yesterday,i went to the gym ON MY OWN for the very first time.
alanna n andrea warned me the treadmill was extremely complicated,
i had to attach some thingy to monitor my heartrate n blah blah blah.
so i prayed hard,
let there be no one there.
and of course,
there had to be four other people in there.
fine.
so i try very coolly to march up to the treadmil and press the buttons,
acting as if it i do it all the time.
n then the machine starts,at like 0.3km per hour,which is probably mr princess' pace;
i nearly trip over my own feet.
n then i see this wire thingy attached to this small circular disc.
n think, aha!
that must be what alanna is talking about!
so i pull it out of the machine,and everything stops.
thankGod its moving so slowly i barely noticed.
turns out i pulled the emergency stop button.
so i finally configure the machine,5 minutes later im jogging.
n figure,its so boring i wanna try the cycling machine.
so i leaned forward,
just a lttle too far,
to check if the bike machines are free,
and lose my footing,
and nearly fall off the side of the machine.
i grab the rails desperately,and the grumpy faced woman next to me,
turns to stare at me,like im a lousy treadmill-er.
well,at least im not the one briskwalking like an amah for the past 30 min,
when there's a huge sign saying, "limited to 2omin per person"!
and after running,i feel dizzy and the world spins when i stop the machines.
turns out ur not supposed to look at ur feet for 20min straight when u run on treadmills.
i hate gyms.

oh n on the brightside?
my parents have given up on me.
they think im gonna fail my A's.
oh well.

runaway

2007-04-30T19:26:00.000+08:00

ever wanted to just run away?
to pure shores of lazy waves caressing your toes.
where we're allowed
to be free of all resposibilities,
to just lay in a hammock all day long,
the warmth of sunlight penetrating the depths of your very self.
listening to happy soulful music
and being totally stress-less,
enveloped in the simple euphoria of peace.
to have only the people you like on the island,
and to know ur loved for being you.
to have no one spreading non-truths about you,
to have no one judge you
to have everyone just have fun.
to be able to eat anything you wish,
without worrying where it came from,
or its impact on the natural world.
and to be free of chemistry and math,
who cares about the nobel prize.
to be able to not bother about how we look,
and not have people base their friendships on superficial beauty.
to be rid of jerks and bitches,
and their scathing comments.
to have no one impose their views on you,
or make u feel unworhty of God's love
and just be happy.
to be able to watch the brilliant sunset each evening,
thanking Him for His awesome creations.
and to be smiling,
just cos I feel like it.

just another.

2007-03-20T22:53:00.000+08:00

i dont want to be just another statistic.

another student who failed chem and math.

another jc kid who gets mediocre grades.

another vet school reject.

another daughter who dissappoints her parents.

another slacker who couldn't reach her stars.

another teenager with warped ideas of beauty.

another soul struggling to love herself wholly.

another face too caught up in the survival of the prettiest.

another female who never get what she wants.

another brat never wanting what she has.

another mindless hedonist who craves instant gratification.

another follower who lives by what others think.

another loser who doesn't get back up on her feet again.

another body who never acheived anything beyond her limits.

another youth who forfeits childhood dreams.

another teenager who just didn't know better.

i don't want to be just another failure.

here's to you,Grandpa.

2007-03-11T23:30:00.000+08:00

I'll Fly Away

by Jars of Clay

Some bright morning when this life is over,

I’ll fly away

To a home on God’s celestial shore,

I’ll fly away.

When the shadows of this life have gone,

I’ll fly away

Like a bird from these prison walls,

I’ll fly away.

I’ll fly away, oh glory, I’ll fly away

When I die, hallelujah by and by,

I’ll fly away.

Oh how glad and happy when we meet,

I’ll fly away

No more cold iron shackles on my feet,

I’ll fly away.

I’ll fly away, oh glory, I’ll fly away

When I die, hallelujah by and by,

I’ll fly away.

Just a few more weary days and then,

I’ll fly away

To a land where joy will never end,

I’ll fly away

I’ll fly away, oh glory, I’ll fly away

When I die, hallellujah by and by,

I’ll fly away.

You're free now, Grandpa,

no longer bounded by the limitations of your body.

Free to walk, talk, run, fly.

You fought the good fight,you ran the race, you kept the faith.

For eternity with Christ,

You're finally home.

chingay and the end.

2007-02-26T20:17:00.000+08:00

chingay was an absolute blast!!seriously!
it was so fun,although i was kinda dreading it at first,
but though the public were pretty rude n unreasonable n had no respect for us cos they thought of us as mere teenagers,the later part more than made up for it. it also helped I was grouped with nad and azie n other ppl that kept on making me laugh,so it was great =))
plus i also realised how close minded ive been about ppl;i kept on being all mellow n contemplative abt how many ppl and were all unreasonable n retarded heads,and after going for chingay,i realised that those were only the MJ PEOPLE.
seriosly,non-jc ppl are easier to get along with n have lesser hidden agendas n they're basically out to haf a gd time.so no matter how much i dun like ppl,its okay,there's a whole big world out dere! =)

on a much more sadder note,well..grandpa hasnt been doing too well the past wk.like since 2 yrs back he's started deteriorating.lost his fiery temper,slowly lost his alertness,just a passive old man,bedridden too.we thought he might have passed on then,seeing how much fast he deteriorated,but he defied all the odds,surviving his bday,den christmas,den his bday and AGAIN christmas,but that's him,he's so determined!or it could be he's afraid of death...
he got another stroke,like his third since 14 years ago. He's kinda lost control of his mouth area,so he can't swallow.so we're the doctors say we have a choice,bring him to the hospital they'll insert tubes to feed him,or we can leave him at home and just feed him fluids,a little at the time.but he's always hated tubes n all,he rips them off each time they insert them.aunty maureen n muumy are already preparing themselves in case he passes on.they invited the priest over to the house today.so i guess..
but u noe what the sad thing is?aunty maureen asked us to think of pleasant memories of him,and nothing came.i could rmb all those fights as i got older,i couldnt rmb when i was a younger,it was always papa charlie i cld rmb..
so its probably regret i feel now.never bothering to know him more,sure he was a colourful character,but he treated daddy n mummy great,he gave mummy so many opportunities to do well,always taking care of her n providing her.he helped daddy get jobs,driving him to interviews even when he had no obligation to.n he n daddy even used to sneak out of the house together just cos they wanted to smoke.i cld just imagine them,so cute =)
and its true he always preferred andrea to me.but i never directly felt it.or maybe i was too young..but whatever it is,he's still my grandfather.and without a doubt he loved me,those these days he doesnt even remember any of out names.
but he's not wanting to let go.i think he needs someone to tell him,its okay to,that death isn't a horrible thing,but a peaceful transition..imagine living with your Saviour for eternity never having to worry but to just soak in His perfect love,always singing and dancing on the streets of gold,praising His Holy Name. and that it'll be a sweet escape from what he's suffering now,he already has skin cancer,and the doctors think he may have another cancer in his body thats why he's slowly wasting away,n he barely has quality of life.
i wana tell him that i love him,but how do i?i hold his hand n he holds it tight,his eyes looking into mine,but i can see he doesn't realli noe me,or does he?i wanna tell him i admire him,admire what he's done for his children,& thank him for passing his love for animals on to mummy who passed it to me so much so i wanna make a career out of it,to be a vet or marine biologist.but how do i say thanks,when i dunno where to start,n we were never close to begin with.
ive never realli known him,but i noe i do love him;he is Grandpa.
and i rmb once when i was like 9/10 yrs old,after a particularly spectacular fight btwn him n mummy daddy,aunty maureen uncle burt,uncle colin,aunty cynthia, i said,thinking i was realli smart,'when grandpa dies ,i won't shed a tear',n mummy scolded me aft dat,saying she once knew someone(her cousin or aunt)who said that n she lived to regret it.and u noe what,i already am .i wished i never said that.i dun even noe him,half the things he's been thru n yet i was so quick to judge even at a young age.how i wish i never said that..
So Grandpa,there's so many things i feel that i can't put in words.regret,guilt,love,admiration.
but u were a great father n given a chance i know u wld have been a greater grandfather if u hadnt gotten the stroke when i was just 2,but hey,I'm still proud i'm ur grandaughter,n no matter what anyone says,I'm proud ur MY Grandpa.

as cupid's arrow fell

2007-02-07T22:34:00.000+08:00

okay so far,ive failed a math test,n a chem test n an E for geog.
i wrote a poem for the short story competition, its called Diluendo.
thanks siminy,kiran,nas,reisha,nad!
i'm more in touch with local lit now,im even beginning to prefer them to american books.
anyway reading rex shelly's books now,im beginning to realise more on what it means to be eurasian, the complexity n beauty of it.
quite cool la =)

life's shit

2007-01-11T21:48:00.000+08:00

life's shit.i lost the cable for my cam/mp4 which was my christmas present which my mum got ripped off for considering its as fake as fake gets with megapixels as gd as my phone camera.
BUT i lost the cable now i cant transfer songs to it neither can i transfer the pics to my comp.
School sucks,its like just the 1st week and im stressed with tons of hmwk and ALREADY im worried abt landing with lousy grades,like straight S's.i'll just die with grades like that.seriously.

if you were given a choice of just an hour of pure rich blissful happiness and then live a mediocre life with sorrow n shit OR live a nice comfortable life with never experiencing that amazing type of happiness,but being quite happy nonetheless,what would you choose?
I'd tell u i want the former.imaging that feeling of euphoria that that happiness would bring,even if just for that hour.to reach that climax,knowing its a once-in-a-lifetime experience,and thus embracing it even more.and maybe just maybe,the memory of that hour would be enough to get you through all the other crappy moments.
but then again knowing me,in the end i'll choose the latter,at least i'l be in my comfort zone,and at least i won't be sad.and also because im afraid of change.

okay i just re-read what i wrote,and i realised u probably got the wrong picture; no,i'm not talking about sex. its just i just read james patterson's Sam's Letters to Jennifer and it was realli sweet.n dere was this moment,where sam(jen's grandma),doc,jen,brendan were having this picninc by the lake,just four of them,enjoying each others' company,and it was perfect.
i want a perfect moment too.not the same one.but i want one.

where everything's just perfect.

rage

2007-01-06T22:13:00.000+08:00

rage is a scary thing.
anger makes you hurt someone,rage makes you kill him.
nothing anyone says can change your mind,all you feel is this irrepressible feeling to lash out,to make that person change just for you.
for that person to undo what heshe did, to make sure that heshe never ever gets to you again.
and the hardest thing to do would be to walk away, as rage consumes you and adrenaline flows.
but that would be the smartest thing to do,it'll save you lots of regret.
and you'll finally understand why many of us choose to do the stupid thing in the end.

2007

2007-01-05T18:23:00.000+08:00

merry Christmas n a happy new year!
ive made many new year's resolutions this year!
i wana get whiter teeth!like blinding white!haha..no la just perfectly white.
i'm gonna speak slower.
i'm gonna do my hmwk.
i'm gonna lose weight by jogging,instead of trying out different diets like the apple diet.
i'm gonna studdy consistently.
okay the rest are not for sharing =)

in service on dec 31,pastor prince asked us to ask God for just 3 things n decree them.
so i asked for beauty on the outside,beauty on the inside n beautiful grades!haha.
alanna says im just being superficial; i think she's just jealous.
oh im gonna be helping in the chingay parade yay!

2007's gonna be a fabulous year =)

SIMIN!

2006-12-18T21:56:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SIMINY!!
i hope your year goes wayy better then ur 16th,whoever said sixteen's the sweetest year is probably 15yrs old!
im so gladd we're wayy closer than ever,im telling u it was like divine intervention that made us friends.
okay la n also cos of jane n kiran.
anyway love you n God bless you with peace n happiness n may u get everything u want n need this yr!!!
enjoy being 17th!its like the last yr we're not legal to do much!
love,riane!

christmas

2006-12-11T17:28:00.000+08:00

i think i'm in love with elvis presley.
okay la,maybe its just his voice.
cos he sings sexy christmas songs,which brings me to my main point,

I DON'T FEEL LIKE ITS CHRISTMAS!

this is a catastrophe! because every year,normally december's my fave month,besides june n july, as everything's festive!but this yr's different,i have no idea why.
i mean everything looks like christmas,the tree's up,the halls are decked,its raining every day in singapore but YET,i don't have that christmassy feeling.
and for the absolute first time,i wished i had a white christmas this year,
maybe then it feel a lil more like christmas.

haven't we all lost the true meaning of christmas.

i miss

2006-12-06T12:59:00.000+08:00

i miss mummy,daddy,kim and alanna.
i wanna go to china too!
it looks so oriental,and like jade empire!
imagine its like scenes from jade empire coming to life!
how absolutely cool.
and u noe something,time passes by way too fast when you have company.
and i just realised ive wasted the whole of november doing absolutely nothing,i've not worked,ive not studied,ive not done anything productive.
but on the bright side,ive learnt discovery channel n discovery travel n living has realli good shows at nite.

update

2006-11-26T12:25:00.000+08:00

okay siminy,here's my update!
my life has been the same so far.
and im stil wondering what shall happen to mr.abruzzi,since my cds arent realli working.
i cant wait for christmas,and 4th of dec.
cos no adult supervision from 4th to 9th of dec!!yay!!!
that means prisonbreak marathons n no curfew n no rushing back home!

anyway i was reading simin's blog,and she said my personality beats someone flat out w/o even me doing anything,and that made me happy for the rest of the day,so thanks siminy!! =))
and though u didnt win the talent quest,ur still the best singer to me n kiran,n thats all that matters,im so proud of you!

anyway i went to farah's house for a sleepover last wed,it was fun fun fun!!
me,nas,nad,sonam,n farah slept over,khad n haikal had to go home.
anyway, we basically watched movies,sitcoms n ate n ate n ate!
i love sleepovers!

i love you always forever

2006-11-19T00:06:00.000+08:00

I Love You Always Forever by Donna Lewis

Feels like I'm standing in a timeless dream
of light mists of pale amber rose
Feels like I'm lost in a deep cloud of heavenly scent
touching discovering you.

Those days of warm rains come rushing back to me
miles of windless summer night air
Secret moments shared in the heat of the afternoon
out of the stillness
soft spoken words

say it say it again

I love you always forever
near and far closer together
everywhere I will be with you
everything I will do for you

You've got the most unbelievable blue eyes I've ever seen
You've got me almost melting away
As we lay there under blue sky with pure white stars
exotic sweetness a magical timesay it

say it again

I love you always forever
near and far closer together
everywhere I will be with you
everything I will do for you

Say you'll love love me forever
never stop never whatever
near and far and always and everywhere and everything

i love this song.i think it perfectly encompasses that warm fuzzy feeling that could be love.
like at that stage where u tink the guy's perfect n ur completely oblivious to his faults; you blindly believe that the love or whatever it is you have for him rite now's gonna last forever and beyond; you're lost in your own blissful world of just you and him.
and i love that feeling.

what i like.

2006-11-15T16:23:00.000+08:00

1.how old do you wish you were?
i like being 17!
2.where were you when 9/11 happened?
watching hollywood squares,den the news flash thingy appeared so i sitched to cna.
3.what do you do when vending machines steal your money?
i hit it a bit,and then walk away angrily.
4.do you consider yourself kind?
kind enuf not to kill innocent animals.
5.If you had to get a tattoo, where would it be?
right shoulder blade or hip bone,the chinese character for femininity!
6.If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be?
spanish,cos its sexy.
7.do you know your neighbours?
on the right's my uncle n his family,the left,a nice malay family.n den the rest of the neighbours i noe are scattered ard.
8.what do you consider a vacation?
going overseas,no matter wat the reason.
9.do you follow your horoscope?nahh.
10.would you move for the person you love?only if its to spain,maldives or hawaii.i wouldnt even move to chua chu kang or woodlands for him!
11.Are you touchy-feely?depends.
12.do you believe that opposites attract?not realli.
13.dream job?vet!national geographic journalist-cum-marine biologist!!!but definately NOT an office job.
14.favourite tv channels?DISNEY!MTV! E!ENTERTAINMENT!ANIMAL PLANET!!haha.
15.favourite place to go on weekends?out to wherever to eat!haha..
16.showers or baths?warm showers
17.do you paint your nails?yup!!my toenails are always painted
18.do you trust people easily?ya probably too easily.
19.what are your phobias?extreme pain or suffering,getting lost in a deserted place
20.do you want kids?not sure but if i do,i want at leaaast 4.
21.do you keep a handwritten journal?its more of a diary,since i only write when inspiration strikes
22.where would you rather be now?having a prisonbreak marathon with the claques
23.who makes you warm and fuzzy?love? or sweet gestures.
24.heavy or light sleeper?light enuf to be woken up by mr.princess's mews.
25.are you paranoid?hahha..kinda.
26.are you impatient?depends on who
27.who can you relate to?jane,kiran,simin
28.how do you feel about interracial couples?
the same way i feel abt any other couple.besides,if it werent for interracial couples, I WOULDNT BE AROUND WOULD I?
29.have you been burned by love?its burnt not burned.n nope.i dun tink so.
30.what's your pick-up line?hahaha..thats a secret.
31.what's your main ringtone on your mobile?unwritten by natasha beddingfield
32.what were you doing at midnight last night?attempting to be an artist.
33.what did the last text on your mobile say?something to do with hot boys.haha..
34.whose bed did you sleep in last night?mine!
35.what colour shirt are you wearing?white
36.what was the last movie u watched?STEP UP!now i wished i could dance.
37.name three things you have on at all times?earrings,nail polish on toenails.n undies.
38.what colour are your bedsheets?purple!
39.how much cash do you have right now?abt $3?haha..
40.what's your favourite part of the chicken?wings!
41.what's your favourite town/city?still singapore.n it counts cos its so small,we're practically a town.
42.i can't wait to..receive my Christmas presents!!!
43.what did you have for dinner last night?stew.
44.how tall are you barefoot?156.but den again i dun trust my school height chart,it lies.
45.do you own a gun?nope
46.what do you prefer to drink in the morning?a glass of warm water and im good to go
47.where do you think you'll be in 10 years?hopefully flying high with a succesful career,n being totally happy with frens n family.i wouldnt complain if a hot man was in the picture too.hahha..
49.what songs do you sing in the shower?happy ones!
50.last thing that made you laugh?jonathan tellin me abt his fren jack. =)
51.does someone have a crush on you?nope,none that i noe of.
52.what song do you want played at your funeral?riane's song by simin.i want HER to sing it too =)

i give up

2006-11-12T22:57:00.000+08:00

I HATE I&R!!!
i still havent started on it,yet i give up.
its insane,its the holidays!!
n yet im still stressed by pw!!

but on the bright side,i went shopping on fri with mummy,kim,alanna,
n bought a red dress and a greenish silk top!!!!
yay!!!
retail therapy works,i tell you =)
NOW i haf to lose weight in time for christmas so it'll look nice.hahah..
thats like the sixth time ive said that this yr.
anyway i've been bored outta my mind this hols.okay offically its been like 4 days of hols,after op,n im already bored.i miss everyone.even the aquiantances.
but kiran's coming over tmr!!yay!!
we're gona haf a prisonbreak marathon while pigging out on ben&jerry's chocolate chip cookie dough!!

michaelscofield+ben&jerrys=HEAVEN.
seriously i dun mind if heaven only comprised of these two entities.
i wouldnt complain at all.
hahhaha..
oh n CHRISTMAS IS COMING!! =)))))))))))))))))))

ever?

2006-10-22T01:57:00.000+08:00

i tink im turning into an insomniac.bcos its 2am n yet im awake.
or it cld be bcos i slept like 10.5hrs last nite,plus the whole afternoon.haha..
anyway,
ever had bouts of insecurity?like ur not good enough in terms of qualities that matter, and looks and materialistic things. n i wonder, who exactly are we afraid of being judged by?
maybe its the people we feel infrerior to,maybe its our closest friends,maybe even by God,although we fail to realise,He loves us unconditionally.
but insecurity and infreriority are horrible feelings anyway.and then u question,why? n then are plagued with wistful dreams stemming from that sole pensive wonder of,'if only'.
also,i realised i share way too much abt my life with everyone.n den i find out things about them that i nvr knew,though it isnt bad or anything.its just that the person isnt being as open as i am, n den suddenly i feel kinda embarrassed,divulging all my secrets to these people i barely know.
you know, i tot i had life figured out in a way.like i knew enough about what was happening, and that everyone was a clear-cut nice or evil person.
BUT i realised im not a great judge of character and trust too easily.isit a bad thing?i'm not too sure yet.give me abt 20 yrs n den i'll let you know. there's so many lessons im learning.who to rely on,where to draw the line,how to stand up for what i believe in.
thing is,i guess i'm just beginning to learn life's hard lessons.its gonna go on till i get old.n i realised there's alot im gona haf to face in the future. failure,heartache,loss,hurt,betrayal,guilt,helplessness. but there's also gonna be joy,success,freedom,hope,peace,satisfaction,acceptance and love.
and u noe what,though the future's all scary, i know God's always gonna be there, eventhough i may do some horrible mistakes.and that in the end, everything's gonna be alright =)

oh the horror

2006-10-18T21:14:00.000+08:00

if mj sticks to its promotion criteria,i'l surely get retained.
these are my marks so far
math- 26%
chem- 39.5%
geog- 50%

lets hope i pass bio.then maybe i'll be promoted!
life wasn't supposed to turn out this way.

over my head

2006-10-14T22:30:00.000+08:00

these past few days have been sucky.
n yest was mj open house,was seriously bored out of my mind.
so i sat n looked at around.and actually seriously thought abt mj.
its so un-tkgs.n plus i realised i dun quite like many ppl in mj.
tkgs was so shelthered.we actually knew wat everone else was actually thinking.we knew who to avoid,trust.
n to think i loved mj initially,until a few mths ago.
n den i realised i just loved the tk ppl, n other frens.
not the sch,just the frens.
i hope im out in a yr.n not two.=(

today someone told me i had no defined personality.
cos im not mature enuf yet.
den i was like but if i haf no concrete personality,den who am i?
am i still findin myself?
n how in the world am i exactly supposed to find myself!
wat does it actualli mean!
how shitty.cos i dun understand anything.
and by anything,i mean anything and everything.

oh well.

2006-10-08T12:28:00.000+08:00

Dear God, surround me as I speak,
the bridges that I walk across are weak
Frustrations fill the void that I can't solely bear
Dear God, don't let me fall apart,
you've held me close to you
I have turned away and searched for answers I can't understand.

sometimes i feel my spritual walk with God is a like a rollercoaster.it always reaches a peak n den comes spiralling down.i'm never satisfied with what He has blessed me with. like being in mj,i tink maybe i cld have done better,maybe i wld have more fun n be happier if i were in sa,or ac, or vj, blatantly ignoring the fact i prayed about this whole decision,and was kinda sure mj would be the best choice for me. i prayed for it to be His choice, but yet sometimes cant help but think maybe i would have been better off in another jc,without realising my arrogance in doubting God's decision. there always something more i'm wishing for. i see others in other jcs having the time of their lives,living out the jc life i tot i would have lived,and then start to question God. i drift away,searching for the answers,filling up that void in my life with other senseless things. i nd help i tink.
n on to the topic of my faith.catholic or christian? i realli do like attending new creation church,no doubt ive gained a better understanding of God n His love,but yet im not comfortable in dat church amongst the people. i feel like an outsider,i dun feel like i truly belong.maybe its also because i dun realli wana belong.i miss the traditions of the catholic church,the familiarity of everyone,the eurasian-ness i get from it.its like an identity u noe?thats not saying not being a catholic makes u any less eurasian.but there's so many eurasians in the catholic church,that i feel so comfortable there. n YET i dun agree with all the teachings of the catholic church. n dats a personal preference.im not judging it or anything. i noe some ppl who have a closer r/ship with Christ through the Catholic faith,and i also know ppl who have the same close r/ship thru following the Christian faith. but personally,i know ive grown closer to the Lord thru going to NCC. but part of me still longs for the Catholic traditions.
i'm so confused,and truth is ive been prolonging the decision of choosing which church to belong to.ppl ask,wat are u?and i say "umm,catholic?but ive been going to a Christian chuch the past 2 yrs" and then smile.hahah..n i dun tink im any closer to choosing since last yr.

They say that I can move the mountains
And send them falling to the sea
They say that I can walk on water
If I would follow and believe
with faith like a child

i wished i had that type of faith.

:)

2006-10-07T17:23:00.000+08:00

yay ive finally changed the layout.
also cos jane said she was dying of boredom fr the old one.

its over. in more ways than one.

2006-10-07T00:11:00.000+08:00

promos are over.pheww.
but still.
it sucked.
bio was unbeliveable.
i dun tink im cut out to be a vet.
thats like 3 yrs of ambition gone.
just like that.
by a stupid bio paper.
shit la.
on the plus side,i am free to do nothing but SLEEP this week!
oh,heavenly.
oh n i realised i dun quite like mj,
due to a combination of factors.
anyway if mj sticks to its crappy promotion criteria.
the j2 cohort is gonna be half the size it is now.
and im not exaggerating.
this has gotta be the scariest exams ive ever done.
though what scares me more is the fact that things are so uncertain.
and i cant do anything rite now to change anything.

the CLAQUES

2006-09-06T23:59:00.000+08:00

last sat i went out with jane kiran simin also known as the claques.
it was a blast!
i realli miss them.
like really really..
but im sure we all will stay friends till the end!
n on last thurs aft going back to tk,i went t sonam's house with sonam reisha diane caroline, n that was fun too.
it was so comfortable,like old times.
its times like this i feel reaali glad to havee gone tk,cos where else wld i have been blessed with such awesome friends?

to:JANE

2006-08-31T20:32:00.000+08:00

hey you bestie no more.
i just received a wierd call.
i picked up the phone then heard music in the back ground,like as though a guy or something was strumming his guitar,or playing the electric one.
den i said hello,hello hello.den i heard a girl's voice,hello.den d guy said something like"the music"or some shit la.den the girl said in an irritated voice,"whose voice is this",cos i was saying hello hello hello in an unglam way.n den she PUT DOWN THE PHONE.wat a wierdo la.n how dare she put down the phone on me,when i wasnt the one who called her in the 1st place!plus she basically ignored me the whole of the call!rude much?
the point of me telling u dat story is that is the most interesting thing that happened to me today.which goes to show you how enslaved i am to the education system here,since i cant even haf an interesting life since all my energy is spent on worrying alot n studying a little for promos.
ok thats all,nighty nite janey waney!
lots of love,
RIANE!

TO: KIRAN

2006-07-24T18:09:00.000+08:00

DEAR KIRANMIT KAUR D/O RANJIT SINGH
i tink ur the only other person besides me to read my blog.hahahah..
so cos of dat,ur the bestest in the world!what will i do without u!
haha..im also saying that cos u still owe me a bday present ;)
my life's quite sad.n i stil cant believe im grounded!i dun even go out!
hahah..n u noe wat i just realised WHAT HAPPENED TO THE CLAQUES!!!
its all jane's fault.
pls dun ever lend her ur costumes!
she's just trying to be indian wearing ur costume.hahah..
oh n i realised i dun haf much gossip to tell u anymore
so i tink i'll go start a rumour in school n see wat happens,den i'll have juicy gossip to tell u!!!yay!!!hahah..
ok gtg study now.im turning over a new leaf,just u wait,i may even pass math for once!!!
hhah..love you!
love,
RIANE BRITTANY LEIGH FRANCISCO!

=l

2006-07-21T18:36:00.000+08:00

why oh why.

is life quite sad?

where failure is the only option

n a pass seems out of reach?

gosh, i wish i had way BIGGER brains.haha..

i just hope i manage to pass everything at the end of the yr.esp chem n math!

update

2006-07-17T19:04:00.000+08:00

hello.
i am stuck doing the stupid eom now!!!eeew!it reminds me of ss.
ok londn wasnt that great.ppl there r quite racist n unfriendly.disgusting behaviour from some of them in fact,esp the ppl in kingsbridge, devon which isnt in london anymore.but there's for everyone who was nasty,there were REALLLI NICE ppl too.oh well.
but still it was fun=) im glad i went.got esp closer to farah,nas,ya qi.also bibi,khad n everyone else.i was always quite close to sonam n nad b4 that already.anyway ironically,i also had the most fun in devon!it was a beautiful counryside facing the sea.i finally understood what enid blyton was toking abt in her bks.hahahh..
but i missed home terribly!i coudnt wait to come back home.n most of all i missed the food.what i would haf given for a bowl of steaming yummy fishball noodles when i was in london.yum!
haha..but i survived:) yay!though now i cant imagine studying abroad.i will die from homesickness.but yet i wana go 2 hawaii to study.nvm i'll worry abt that when the time comes.
but now im back in spore,i do miss the times i spent in devon w/ everyone.eating chocolates while lying in bed n gossiping abt everyone back in mj,n wishing we were back dere too.
n playing in the barn.n feeling out of place being asian,yet learning to live wit it.having fun doing geog studies.getting stuck in mud.stepping on sheep's poo.watching the world cup there.n basically learning to be independent.something i tot will nvr happen.
but on the flip side,going on the trip meant i didnt haf enuf time to study,thus resulting in horrific results for mid-yrs.
B,S for gp n malay n S,U,U,U for bio chem math geog.
haha..but actualli it is kinda depressing.the thought of being retained nvr crossed my mind,but now its always racing tru my head. i was also called for a parent-teacher meeting for the 1st time. that jolted me.i realli am slacking.n not caring abt my future.how am i ever gona be a vet!!!i better start keeping my goal in focus.

ok thats abt all.oh ya n i turned 17 abt 2wks ago?yay!!!!!
i feel older now.haha..n i realised i haf so little yrs of freedom left.oh sadness.

ok gtg now.aloha!

yay!!!

2006-06-03T22:33:00.000+08:00

this is gona be a kinda long entry,provided andrea doesnt snatch the comp away as soon as she gets home.so here goes.
first,updates: im in MJ now,though i tink everyone noes that by now.haha..06S302.n im the SCIENCE stream.yess i noe eewww.hahah..im in service learning club,n am in charge of some newletter thingy that im supposed to churn out every 2mths.ya,great.n best news of all.
IM GOING TO THE UK THIS MONDAY!!!!
yay!!!!!hahah..i haven been on a plane since like p6 la!ahha..ok fine in sec 3 i went on a plane to penang,but its not counted ok.cos it was a budget plane,n dere were flies on board n the airport wasnt even nice,cos i took it fr johor airport u see.hahah..so it lacked the excitement of boarding a REAL plane fr changi airport,where everything smells happy n gives out the vibe,"YAY,ITS THE HOLIDAYS!!!!"i noe u must be thinking,wat a spoilt pampered ignorant young s'porean.but no ok this just means i am extremely proud of changi airport n how far we've come.ok propaganda aside,im reali excited to be going to england.im going to london,bristol,bath n slapton leyy.its a sch geog field trip n nad,nas,sonam n all r going,so it will be fun!haha..n maybe just maybe,i'll get to meet prince william!:)
ok now i wana share somethig ive read today,an excerpt fr the bk sleepwalking by nicola morgan. its a futuristic bk,abt ppl being stripped of emotions n language being banned n all art forms derived fr language being banned by inserting microchips in them n giving them drugs to disable their ability to feel pain n all,but just be calm n happy all the time. So (as always) there's a grp of them who refuse to do so n were banished to the outside of the city n they're called the outsiders.thats like the gist of the story anyway so here's an excerpt that realli made me think n re-read that part again.its narrated fr one of the 16 yr old Outsiders,Livia :

Made me think of that story Cicero told us. a thought experiment, he called it.
Imagine a man, he said. Odysseus it was in the imagining, but it could be anyone. He's on a long journey on ship. And a part of the ship breaks, so he chucks the broken bit of wood overboard and replaces it with a new bit of wood. I don't know, maybe he stopped at an island to get the wood. Anyway a bit further on another bit of the ship is broken so he replaces that with a new bit of wood. It's still Odysseus' ship of course. And this continues, until by the time he reaches his destination, every single bit of the ship has been replaced by new wood.
The question is,said Cicero, is it still Odysseus ship? and if not,when exactly did it become not Odysseus's ship? Because no part of it is the ship he started out in.
Of course, if Odysseus had just scrapped the whole ship in one go and bought another, it'd be easy. The original ship would be dead and gone and the new one would be obviously a different ship. But the fact that it was gradual changes everything.
Well its the same with ppl. Am i the same person as i was a year ago, just with some new bits, or has so much of me changed that I am dead and gone and have been replaced by someone totally different? And when did i become not me?

it really struck me cos i realised when we say we dun love a person anymore cos heshe has changed, we blame the person dun we?but isit realli their fault they've changed?or do we love dem even more cos heshe has lost himherself n am just trying to find themselves,who they realli are.n most of all when it happens to us,do we embrace our new selves or go ard acting moody n being withdrawn,trying to change what we obviously cant, n pushing evryone ard u aside, in search of who we used to be?

ok thats all the deep stuff i can manage for one day.haha..i actualli hate thinking abt stuff like this, (though sometimes its necessary so as to get a grip on urself n reality) cos more often than not,u find urself as confused as before,stranded with no answers and even more qns.

so nxt time i write back her it'll prob be near my bday!yay!! sexy seventeen!ahhaha..ok wish me a great blessed trip, n happy holidays!!!

-

2006-04-01T12:02:00.000+08:00

sch's tough.maths a killer,chem's a killer.even bio n geog r killers.other than dat sch's fun.except for last thurs.everything else's ok.oh n i tink im gaining weight which means i have to go visit the gym.eewwwww.

oh anyway happy april fool's day!

yay!

2006-03-11T16:52:00.000+08:00

YAY!!! I LIKE MJ!! prob cos it feels like tk!only this time there are guys ard.haha..its fun n comfy having frens all ard,n plus ther are quite a few ex-st.hildians' ard so its like meeting up with long lost frens.haha..
i do miss sa though.i was depressed over it last wk,but im way way happier this wk.orientation was fun!!i tot it was fun-ner than sa!esp the MMM at sentosa.it was the best la!esp the telematch part wen i was with nad n all n also dinner aft dat at macs.so yay!im glad everything worked out.i was dreading coming to mj but now i tink the meridian in me has surfaced.hahah..but im stil always gona haf a part of me in sa..
ok that was a tad too melodramatic.haha..bye!

.

2006-02-25T17:37:00.000+08:00

i dun wana leave sa anymore.ive grown soo used to it n i like it now.this just had to happen.after i put tj,mj,sa,cj as the order of my choices,i now wished i put sa 1st..n i miss snowy.

a moment of silence

2006-02-19T13:43:00.000+08:00

today i went to clean snowy's cage n found out he was dead.i think he probably died yesterday cos he was so cold n stiff :((
so this is a tribute to mr.snowy who was such a cute fatso,until he got sick n den rapidly lost weight.he had been with me for abt 2 yrs 3mths,which is a very long time, and he brought me much happiness and for that i'm thankful.
Bless his little soul and may he rest in peace.

shatterded dreams

2006-02-13T18:31:00.000+08:00

u noe wat sucks?i realli wanted to go vj,but i cant.
i mean i had it all planned out,i'll join paws haf fun.
but noooo...it wasnt meant to be..:(
therefore im quite sad.

results

2006-02-12T14:19:00.000+08:00

i got 10 pts!
ok la im a little disappointed.wanted below 10.but u noe wat the worst part is?i got 10 cos for my eng i had a2.crap la.i really wanted a 1 for eng.n den i wld haf gotten 9pts.den d world wld be a happier place.haha..k anyway all glory goes to God,cos its like a miracle i even passed some of my subjects.like for ss,i didnt even finish my paper cos i only wrote a paragraph for seq part b,n for lit i studied for it 3hrs b4 the test n i did character analysis n it didnt even come out,instead,relationships came out,so i crapped truout the paper,n yet i managed to get an a2,so its all God's work!yay!thank God!n chem!considering ive been getting f9s for it since mid sec 3,until just b4 prelims,it realli is a miracle. praise the Lord!
anyway i dun tink i'l stay in SA.its too far for me.so i'm trying for tj?den nxt mj,den poly maybe or sa as 3rd.k thats all for the updates.
oh n I LOVE REISHA n i realli do miss her!

chauffer please

2006-02-09T19:00:00.000+08:00

i hate feeling confused.n being in charge of my own life.n not knowing wat the future holds.
someone shd just tell me all the choices i must pick.den life wld be easier n happier.
oh n i saw the hot eastpt guy yst at the potong pasir bus stop!
turns out he's fr st.andrew's sec.n therefore is younger than me!sadness la.but s'pore's a really small place la.imagine seeing him dere, aft seeing him last a yr ago.such a coincidence la.
or maybe not :)

wistful.

2006-02-07T17:10:00.000+08:00

as melodramatic as it sounds,this song is the only song that describes wat im feeling rite now,except im not sure who my only one is.haha..but seriously rite,i cant wait for this to end.like the song goes,i feel so broken up,and i give up.thats it la.i hate it wen things dun turn out the way u expect it to.
ok since results r on fri,i tink i shd be feeling something,be it nervousness or fear,but i dun feel any cos everything just feels so surreal.n also cos i made up my mind to try my best to trust fully in God,n not worry,n its working i tink cos im nt feeling anything.haha..
oh on fri i went to collect my pink samsung hp cos i sent it for repairs last dec,aft dropping it into the toiletbowl in lucky plaza(ya i noe,clumsy me),but decided nt to repair it in d end cos repairs wld cost $380 or $350,cant rmb.so aft 2 mths,i went to collect it, trying to decide wat to do w/ a spoilt phone besides throwing away.so,the lady at the care centre comfimred that my hp was spoilt,n so i walked out w/ quite a sad heart,cos to think that this was the very hp i had begged n begged my parents for,n was a product of my perseverance and hard work of pestering my parents n den it falls into a toiletbowl n spoils.so i tried turnin it on,just for fun n a miracle happens!!!it turns on!!!n aft excitedly putting my sim card in, it actually worked properly!!!!!its a MIRACLE i tell u!!!praise the Lord!!cos i was prayin abt it last yr,dat my hp wil work sumhow.so therefore lesson learnt is trust in God n dun worry abt it.yay!!!!plus it saved 380dollars of my parents money!ok thats the happy news for last wk.oh n on fri too,i played tennis for the 1st time.its quite fun,though i missed the ball most of the time or hit it out of the court into the bushes.haha..k dats all den.oh n i tink snowy may nt have long to live cos i tink theres a tumor in his yr since it lks like one:(

:(((

2006-02-01T16:03:00.000+08:00

today i saw something totally depressing.i saw this kitten get run over by the car in front of my dad's car,on the way to sch.it suddenly dashed across the rd,n the car ran over it.i dunno if the driver even knew he ran over it.it was a horrible sight.the cat was twisted in a funny angle and was squirming ard:(
the worst part was not being able to do anything to help it..
wat a sad way to start a sch wk.it made me think why do things like these have to happen?n i relised its cos of irresponsible idiots who abandon cats,n dey breed n create many kittens n dey die in horrible ways such as being run over.therefore if u haf a cat or dog,pls dun abandon them or at least sterilise them b4 abandoning them,or actually just sterilise ur pets if u dun plan on taking care of their offspring.

haha

2006-01-24T18:38:00.000+08:00

i just realised i contradicted myself a bit in d last post.haha..nvm la..wat to do,im a teenager :)

update

2006-01-24T16:38:00.000+08:00

on saturday i went to the temasek poly open house.i enquired abt the biotech course,liked it very much n now haf a huge problem.shd i go to jc or poly?i started asking others for their opinion as i always do since i hate making decisions,n suprise suprise everyone says i'll do better in jc.cos jc's better blahblahblah.n nigellete says i wont fit into poly.great,just great.but i dun want to go jc any longer.going to the open house made me realise that poly life may be much more interesting,which wld motivate me to study hard.unlike jc where dere's h2maths which is absolutely retarded n requires a $179 calculator to complete sum qns.everything's super hard in jc.there's a math test on fri on the cover up method thingy which im sure i'l fail if saaji doesnt teach me by den.
ok enough of whining.jc's not as fun as i expected,its quite stressful.at this rate i''ll sprout white hairs soon.haha..sch's ok la.not fantastic,just ok,cant complain.i totally miss tk:((going back on fri!yay!!!
oh n guess wat cca i joined!!!!!CRICKET!!!haha..me?in a sports cca?unbelievable.aft always going on abt how i hate sports.hahah..but cricket's nt that tiring.its quite slack actually..run like 2 rounds each session den bat n bowl.i like batting better though i miss quite often.haha..expected la..k gtg now.do stuff..cross country tmr.3.2km.screwed.bye!

i survived!

2006-01-08T20:05:00.000+08:00

one week of sch haf past,n im glad to say i haf survived!yay!haha..so orientation was quite fun n tiring.but my og rocked la.haha..we were quite bonded,compared to other grps,as i heared.so im definately not complaining.we bonded more towards the end of orientation.but sa is really different from tkg.so i really miss tk.the atmosphere's diff at sa,so are the ppl.but hey,its a welcome change fr 4 yrs of just girls.haha..so well,i dun tink i'l be staying at sa for the 2nd intake.the distance is killing me!i'm stil hoping n praying for vj,n prob'll put mj as 2nd choice.im sooooo tired each day aft sch,n the journey home take forever,mostly cos my home is so inaccessible..oh n guess wat,on d 1st day of sch,i met sheena in my og,n i was like,so where do u stay?n she was in simei,i was like me too,which part?i stay in savannah,n den she was like me too!im in blk 53,u?n i was like ME TOO!haha..it was so funny,cos den we realised we were neighbours;she's on d 5th floor,im on d 1st.how cool is dat?haha..anyway the best part of orientation was d disco we had on fri nite.it was awesome!!totally fun!!!!!!!!!!
k la gtg now,this wk's gona be tiring i tink,esp the choosing of cca part.bye!

2006

2006-01-02T15:13:00.000+08:00

its been exactly a yr since i first attended new creation church.im still not sure if its d church for me but ive grown alot spiritually there,thats for sure.
sch starts tmr :( that means waking up early coming home late n being extremely tired.plus its a new sch so it wont be like going back to tkgs where i noe where to go to,know half the people there n am comfortable there.sajc is far away.i didnt noe dat wen i put it down as my 2nd choice.i tot it was in kallang.but nope its in potong pasir.which is not very near kallang.and i haf no idea how to get back home fr dere.today i drove there w/ my parents,n it felt like i was transported back to old singapore.haha..well im just hoping tmr wil turn out great,i'l haf fun in d sch n i wont get lost on d way home.
looking at my last yr's resolutions,i didnt realli keep them.but then again i did haf quite alot of resolutions so it wasnt my fault.haha..but for this yr i only haf one resolution n dat is to honour n respect myself.oh n also to be happy no matter wat im stuck doing.thats all.shdnt be that hard to keep.ok thats all.Have a blessed n fabulous 2006!!!!

its SAJC for me

2005-12-19T12:19:00.001+08:00

i got into sajc!at first i was kinda disappointed cos i was hoping i'l get into vjc,by some chance.but nope i got into sajc.i tot everyone was going to get into acjc.but instead almost everyone got into meridian.that was a suprise.diane,reisha,sonam,shagun,azzy all got into mj.the only other ppl i noe who got into sa are saaji n elia.reisha's appealing to sa n ac n elia n shagun r appealing to ac.i tink they'll prob get in though.well anyway now im excited abt gettin into sajc cos of the new campus!!yay!haha..well lets just see how everything goes.i'll prob stay on aft 3mths unless i do extremely well then its vj.k gtg den.christmas is in 6 days time!!!!!!

sch posting

2005-12-16T09:54:00.000+08:00

ok im online waiting for the jc posting.my choices are
1)vj sci
2)sajc sci
3)acjc sci
4)mjc sci
5)cjc sci
6)tpjc sci
7)vj arts
8)ac arts
9)cj arts
i tink il prob get into sa though.considering i got 11 pts n vj's cut-off pt is 5 or 6.haha..k i'll get back some time later.bye!

ammend

2005-11-07T19:59:00.000+08:00

oh i meant in the last 5 min i started on part b of seq.k bye!

(:)

2005-11-07T19:57:00.000+08:00

im stayin at savannah condopark now!goodbye pasir ris!n d canal esp n all the neighbours. :(( another chapter comes to an end,another new one begins.new house,new sch,new friends.changes adjustments insecurities.failures acheievements heartaches.acjc guy acjc guy acjc guy.haha..i think im in like with him.he makes me happy everytime i see him.im fine just admiring him fr far!haha.

do u ever get the feeling things will only be right if U change,if u wld just let go of the past forgive n forget.but somehow u just cant.n cos of that u lose someone so close to you,someone u love so much to the pt u hate the person?
i have a feeling im gonna experience that soon.

olevels started today.emaths was easier than expected.ss was a KILLER.for the first hr,i did the sbq.for the nxt 25min,i did part a) of seq on venice.n the last 5 min,i started on sbq.needless to say,i didnt finish the paper n freaked out during the last five minutes.thats it.only God can help me now.i studied only venice n merger.n only venice came out.andrea told me to study harmony n dicord,n i felt like stdying it but didnt cos wat r the chances of it comin out since its the easiest chpt!stupid crap.going for dinner now.prob will not come online for the nxt 2 wks.bye!

smile!

2005-11-01T10:17:00.000+08:00

i'm moving to savannah this sat..im realli sad abt leaving pasir ris.im gonna miss white sands.the library n macdonalds.haha..n walking tru the park n thinking abt life...the pond n the canal.n esp all the cats ard here.like rueben!who's gonna pet him now we're gone?he's too smelly n dirty for anyone to want to pet him.n my room!my new room's a quater of my current room.all i can put in it is a bed n den the room's too full.its like a small box.haha..o-levels nxt mon.i haf so much left to cover,

acjc

2005-10-22T18:24:00.000+08:00

i just came back fr the acjc open house.ive gotta say it was gd.much better than i expected.n best part is i saw ACJC GUY!!!!!yay!!!haha..he's actually the only reason i wanted to go to the open house today..cos where else better to see acjc guy den in acjc itself.haha..he's really short though.n i realised his side profile is way nicer than his front but his smile is so..nice!haha..so now im confused.where to go to......oh i hate this retarded nonsense.i hate making life changing decisions.n o levels is in 2-3 wks time.n prom's coming n i dun haf a dress yet.oh the woes of being 16!

the future

2005-10-16T13:36:00.000+08:00

i went to the vj n sajc open house yest.none of them actually appealed to me.:( i was kinda dissapointed.so maybe i'l go temasek poly.do the biotech course.i haf really no idea where to go to nxt yr.oh well i'l just pray abt it.
i saw acjc guy today!though i didnt haf my glasses so i cldnt see him well.haha..
oh n the big news for today is for the next wk,im going vegetarian n swearing off guys!xcept for mr acjc guy.hows the for a 180degree change.
ok gtg now.d comp has low batt.bye!

prelims

2005-10-06T16:48:00.000+08:00

prelims r over!like 2 wks ago.haha..where shd i go next yr?i wana go vj but im not sure if i can make it with my pts.so i wana go sajc.but the distance will kill me!haha..oh well,i'll leave it to God n see wat happens..my previous entry seems to haf disappeared.i haf no idea where it went.how absolutely sad.haha..i went bowling at savannah yest!t was fun,n i realised that i actually suck at bowling.the 1st game,i scored 26pins,n the 2nd i improved!34 pins!haha..den went to the gym dere n jogged for 6min on the treadmill,n felt quit tired n stopped.haha..im so not sports inclined,or even musically inclined.oh well one day i'll find something im good at.the days r getting so beautiful,like as in the sky n all.im so going to miss living by the canal,n walking along it,thinking n also blowing bubbles by it..:(
i hope these few remaining days last forever.

gorgeous

2005-09-16T14:47:00.000+08:00

guess who i saw yest at suntec? UTT!! he's just GORGEOUS i tell you. absolutely GORGEOUS!!!!!like almost to the pt. of beautiful.me,andrea,mummy n daddy were going down the escalator(going fr d 3rd floor to d 2nd) outside the Rock at suntec cos we went dere last nite for bible study yest.den dis andrea was like mummy, utt's dere!!!den i looked down at the other escalator(fr d 2nd floor to the 1st) n dere he was!ohmygoodness!so cute!the thai guy w/makeup's a 10/10 but utt is like 12/10!haha..but he was w/ dis girl too.who wasnt very pretty.but den again i didnt realli c her cos i was looking at him.so we went to the other escalator cos we were going down too.n andrea was like he's so hot n i was like he's absolutely gorgeous.n i tink he heard us.haha.so we mid way down the escalator n he already reached the bottom n was walking away.so he half-turned to look back at us, n i was smiling at him so he half-turned once again n gave a shy smile!hahaa..he's so shy.but at least he was nice enough to smile.some actors r so proud.haha..he's like way better looking den on tv.n his skin looks so pure,its like glowing!aaaahhh!!!i cant believe anyone can look that beautiful.totally gorgeous!he's like a perfect creation!haha..now i tink im in love with utt.but according to caroline,half of s'pore n thailand is in love with him too..haha..oh well.

on a much more sadder note,andrea n mummy sent snowy to the vet.cos his ear has pus n blood.n d doctor says its a fungal infection.n it cld spread to the brain n den he'll have brain cancer..:( how absolutely depressing.n he's not looking better.even aft medication..so pls pray for him.to either get healed or be put out of suffering.cos i dun want him to suffer.poor snowy. :'(

dun u

2005-08-20T17:12:00.000+08:00

do u ever feel that ur life is so boring compared to others.ppl my age or near there r actually going abroad.studying in exotic locations.while im stuck here.worying for o-levels,prelims.u noe wat.im kinda scared of life aft sec sch.life becomes more of a responsibility.n aft dat.more studying at a university.den wat.ur an adult.bills to pay.fall in love, get married.work hard to save up for a car,house.once u get children,u stay hm,watch dem grow up.sounds totally depressing.ok glad i let that out.i actually feel better now.n u noe wat life isnt so bad la.

anyway on a different note,haf u read the straits times saturday special.if u didnt read it.it'll make u feel grateful for ur life(but i havent read it yet,thats y im complaing abt mine).n the nationalgeographic mag.ppl in africa r really suffering.i wished the world was a much nicer place.n happier.n dat ppl wouldnt look down on u jus cos u arent smart as them.

ok this is totally depressing me.i shd go something productive now.like go n study or slp.
bye!

ooh la la

2005-08-15T20:11:00.000+08:00

i bet u something very interesting's gonna happen on wednesday.

sinking into disconsolateness

2005-08-13T20:04:00.000+08:00

i got C6 for malay o-level. :(

boo

2005-07-23T21:22:00.000+08:00

u noe something.im kinda bored of blogging.
i got back all my block ca results.i had 24pts i tink.
which is utterly n seriously DEPRESSING n DEMORALISING.
the 2 subjects i nd the most if i wana do science in jc, i failed.a math n chem.
i feel like a failure,n not just in studies,other things too,which made me so angry.
which was y i was soooooo angry on fri aft,i was in no mood to talk.at all.
a rare occasion indeed.
i hope acjc guy goes to church tmr.n sits nxt to me.
ok gtg now.
oh n btw i love that recover post button,
it actually works!
gdnite.

i'm 16!!!

2005-07-02T10:37:00.000+08:00

i'm sweet 16 now!!!
but i dun feel different.boohoo.ok gona play xbox now.
but wait yest went out w/caroline n jane.
saw this totally gorgeous guy!!!10/10!!!
lke a model i tell u
BUT he was wearing makeup.blush n lipstick.
wierd.
but he cld very well b a model coming fr a photo shoot.
oh n the waiter at the big o,this restaurant,was sooo cute.he looks like christopher michael lee!!
soooooooooooo cute!!!n he spoke so welll!!!
i wished he was my bday present!haha..
k going now.
bye!!!

last day of being 15.

2005-06-30T17:40:00.001+08:00

today is officially my last day of being 15.
my 15th year was an interesting year.
had fun,fights,tears n mainly laughter,
but most of all,i grew up.
like really.
found out how to let go,be a better person,survive heartaches.
i realised ppl can be nasty,but best frens are always dere for u.
i may suck at many things,but im still loved :)
i may haf way too many pimples,n too much adipose tissues under my skin
but im still beautiful.(its self-esteem!not ego!)
though most of the time its only in God's eyes.haha..
i appreciate the little things in life like blue skies n the moon.
except they arent exactly little.
i've realised no one's perfect,no matter wat dey say.
some ppl r just plain idiots,but lets not go there.
i completed halo,the xbox game.huge accomplishment.
i embarrassed myself many times during the yr.but den again wats new?
im still a nerd.or at least dats wat ppl say.
God has blessed me so much.n for that im utterly thankful.

i wana get these things done in my 16th yr.

get 6pts for olevels or 8 or 7 or 9 or 10.get 2 more piercings on my ears.lose 5-7kg.be pimple-free.be a better christian n person.stop being so possesive.pass chem.no wait i wana master it.find that perfect someone.study properly.clean my room in blk 549.like really really clean it.not just throw everything on the shelves.once i get to savannah,i want to do up my room.make it absolutely beautiful n perfect!stop falling for guys who dont noe i exist or r not heterosexual or already haf girlfriends.live life the way i want,not how others want.n most of all haf fun!!

there r some others but they're private. too bad.so dey go in my diary.

oh i went to mango just now with jane n saw this cute guy w/ his fren who's a girl ,but i dun tink his gf.he wasnt exactly gd looking.but he was dancing to the songs on the radio.haha..so funny.but so absolutely cute!!!i tink he's fr changkat changi.haha..so funny n cute!haf u ever seen a guy dance?in public!?in mango!!?haha..ok gtg now.bathe n read some bks n study malay!
can u believe it?my malay o level oral is tmr!on my bday!
im gonna be 16!!!

thats all

2005-06-24T20:58:00.000+08:00

im gonna be 16 in exactly one wks time.
n i haf the most irritating sisters in the world.

holidays?

2005-06-13T16:41:00.000+08:00

im supposed to be studying now.but adobe photoshop has got me hooked cos i downloaded the trial program n am trying to make templates.so i made this one n another one so far.im proud of them.even though they're not reali nice..haha..i shd realli stop n go study cos theres like so many things to study for.aiya.holidays my foot.more like study leave.my bday's coming up!n so is jane's!i wonder wat i shd get her...oh i tot of wat to do for my bday already!yay!but it doesnt involve a celebration or anything.i dun tink im gona have a party.its too much nonsense cos i'll end up inviting the whole world n there'll be no space n not enuf food.haha..ok im gona fix up some stuff on my backgrd n den im gona go study.oh bu tfirst i realised my family's reali blessed cos God's on our side!haha..ok den.bye!

malay o-levels

2005-05-30T19:55:00.000+08:00

today was the malay o-levels.it was easier than expected.i prayed for an A1;let's see wat happens.

just finished reading Luna by Julie Anne Peters. abt this girl hu's brother is a transsexual,n she had to live with his secret since young.it actually is quite a touching bk.makes me sad wen i tink abt this stuff.u noe wat the saddest part was?liam,the brother,wld actually make a great bf or husband to any girl.dat means guys hu r more in touch w/ their feminine side r actually easier to get along with.ohwaitaminute.i take it back.it reminded me of someone.hahah..

i realised im a selfish hypocritical girl.thats bad.i just cant say sorry sometimes.n sometimes wen i say it i dun mean it.i didnt use to be like that.something's wrong.wait i noe!its prob cos im gona be 16 soon.haha..like thats a gd enuf reason.

1 month, 1 week n 1 day!

2005-05-23T17:04:00.000+08:00

valencia says:
hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
riane's birthday is in one month, one week and one day.
you know how i know?
she just told me.
:D

riane says:
but thats wat i wanted to tell everyone!!!!
MY BIRTHDAY IS IN 1 MONTH, 1 WEEK AND 1 DAY'S TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ok dats all.im going swimming soon.bye!!!

i wonder

2005-05-12T19:22:00.000+08:00

ok got this off a frenster bullentin.it makes me wonder..

at this very minute~~

someone is thinking of you

someone cares about you.

someone misses you

someone wants to hold your hand.

someone wants you to be happy.

someone wants to hug you.

someone will do anything for you.

someone needs to know your love is unconditional.

someone wants to tell you how much they care.

someone wants to stay up watchingmovies w/ you.

someone wants to hold you in their arms.

someone wants to see you.

someone wants to be your lover.

someone loves you for who you are.

someone loves the way you make them feel.

someone wants to be with you.

someone wants you to know they arethere foryou.

someone is glad that you're their friend.

someone is wishing you would noticethem.

someone wants to get to know you better.

someone loves you.

n tok abt wasted chances.i just wished i knew who the "someone"s are.

so.

2005-05-09T20:06:00.000+08:00

ok i have talked to caroline already abt stuff,n now am feeling better.but i realised there's no solution to any of the problems if i dun wanna tok to her.tmr its malay karangan ca.gtg study later.den there's deperate housewives.gd thing there's no other CAs tmr.i can watch it finally!i cant believe i made a fool of myself now.he probably tinks im a despo now.eeeww.this proves it.trust no one.hahha..i sound like someone fr x-files..ok snowy's sick again.there's like pus n blood in his ears acc. to andrea hu tinks she's a vet.haha..but i hope snowy will get better.i prayed for him already.now i have to have faith God will heal him.ok gtg get iodine for snowy's ear now fr my neighbour.gdnite!

yay!

2005-05-03T16:39:00.000+08:00

chem test today was EASY!realli suprising.a math was retarded.as usual.
but bottom line is chem was easy!!yay!!haha..yest i saw 'a walk to remeber'.ohmygoodness,i wished a guy like landon carter existed.i want him!i realli like the show.now it can be one of my fave shows.the songs in the movie r fabulous too!!aft watching the show,i realised sometimes all someone needs is for some one else to believe in him/her.thats wat jamie did to landon,n looked how he turned out.having faith in someone is realli impt.but then again,it is a movie.ok i nd to go do malay tuition hmwk now.
i have to pass the malay test on thurs.if not im in danger of taking malay B.n den il have to see mrs.chia.

lets all pray for a miracle to happen to me now.

sunday morning

2005-05-01T12:21:00.000+08:00

im happy now.

i was high yest.maybe it was bcos of the ice lemon tea.
speakin of yest,i went flagselling for the 1st time.
it was quite fun.
n guess who i saw?
the cute guy fr church!!!!!
he was wearing a red shirt.with the words ACJC emblazoned across it.
i was just staring at him
silly me.
i cld haf approached him n ask him for donations rite.but noooo.
i just stared.
but then again he was with his mum.
who was laughing.
wait a minute.
she cld have been laughing at me!
oh no.
but i didnt see him today at church.
boo-hoo.
but church today was fun.funny speaker.Brother Buddy Bell was his name.
hilarious.ahha.i realised.
i really do love God.

you

2005-04-29T18:49:00.000+08:00

im super grumpy today.actualli since yesterday.i blame it on the stupid weather.its super hot i tell u.singapore is like one big boiling pot,n we people r the ingredients in it.we're slowly melting away.i hate today.i got angry with caroline,jane n saajida.over petty issues.i over-anaylysed every one's actions.i got pissed off at the littlest things.i felt life had no meaning.but through out the whole day i still had my normal face on.like everything was fine n dandy.pls.no.
i hate it wen ppl ignore me.its like they dun care wat i haf to say.sheesh.y am i so angry.

die

2005-04-26T17:37:00.000+08:00

had the bio CA today.i didnt tink i wld even ace the test b4 i took it,cos i didnt study that hard for it.but aft i took it.i realised.i shd haf studied way way way harder.i just hope i pass now.i duno how im gona do science in jc.die.speaking of jcs,i wanted to go to vjc first.but now my frens were tokin abt acjc.how its all dat n shit,n i realised vj was like so boring.but ill nvr fit in at ac,i noe that,cos fr wat i hear,im not like them.but where else can i go?none of the jcs appeal to me at the moment.n cos of dat im not even motivated to study hard to get into a jc.sheesh.n im tinking of the process of making new frens n all.i realised one of the main reasons y i am enjoying tkgs now,besides being in a fabulous class,is cos of drama club,the many frens ive made tru there,n i haf no plans watsoever to join drama in jc.i prob wana join the animal welfare society in vj if i go there.n dats not exactly a place to meet many ppl.im scared of going to a new sch.wat if i dun fit in?how den!but tokin to jane just now made me realise that most of all,i want to go to a sch where jane n caroline will be in.going to diff jcs will prob split us apart n i dun wan that to happen.aiya.thats enuf worrying for a day.must learn to live it to God. let go.i wana go slp now.though it is kinda late for a nap.haha..but i shd clean snowy first.no i tink il slp then clean snowy's cage.aiya if only all the decisions i haf to make wld be as easy as that one.

besties

2005-04-24T16:21:00.000+08:00

frens come n go i guess.
anyway saw the cute guy in ncc today!!!eeek!!!wat a cutie!!he was wearing blue again!but he's wearing glasses now.so his cutness has dropped half a level.but he's still cute.but u noe wat he only glanced at me.u noe hu he looked at,right in the eye?kimberly.not fair i tell u.i hope this nvrs happens once we get older n more serious.imagine. the guy u like fall for ur sister.totally not nice.i just ate ice cream.the flavour was Summerberry.sounds so wierd,but is actually realli nice n sweet!yummy!!but now im back to feeling hot again.as in temp hot.i tink i shd go slp.den study bio.respiration is a very hard topic i realised.die.
i realli like the song kiss me.so romantic.n sweet.n full of happiness.like in lala land..haha..
Kiss me out of the bearded barley
Nightly, beside the green, green grass
Swing, swing, swing the spinning step
You wear those shoes and I will wear that dress.

Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight
Lead me out on the moonlit floor
Lift your open hand
Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance
Silver moon's sparkling
So kiss me

just a silver

2005-04-23T23:01:00.000+08:00

we got just a silver 4 syf drama.results were released on fri aft sch.i was ok wit it at first.den it sunk in.WE.GOT.A.SILVER.den i started to tear up,tears of dissappointment.wat made it worse was wen alemay hugged me n told me,dun worry,u did great,u shd b proud of urself.den i was realli sad.cos i for one,noe that it wasnt my best performance out there.i feel ive let myself n others down.i tink there was something lacking in our play,n i kinda expected a silver,but i just didnt want to accept it thats all.but God has a plan always,n still thank Gd we had a silver.count our blessings.had speech day today.i cant believe i forgot to smile at the cameraman.haha..n summore i was practising my smile earlier on.wasted only.haha..so received a $30 mph voucher.i tink i deserve a bk.i shall go find something worthwhile to spend on.which will prob b stationery.haha..changed my template.its a pic of the maldives.beautiful isnt it?sometimes i wish i cld just run away n hide myself there forever.i hope il visit that place somday.its like paradise.just pray i guess.k gtg slp now.waking up early tmr to go to newcreation church.im gona dresss up tmr.hope ill see that guy again,who sits in the auditorium every wk.yay!!haha..k gdnite!

syf's tmr!!

2005-04-18T18:50:00.000+08:00

ok tmr is syf.tkgs drama club wants n needs a gold with honours.if thats possible..hahah..anyway,i haf a geog ca tmr.but somehow im not so scared for it.im more scared-er for syf.i hope we do our very best n everything goes well.I pray we get a goldor with honours.2 wks ago,i tot we were only capable of a certificate of participation.now im quite confident we can do better,with God's help.im supposed to b studying geog now.but im kinda slacking.again.i got 15/40 for my a math test.sigh.i was sure of passing.my mistakes?i wrote a plus instead of a minus,n lost 7+marks.i wrote a 5 instead of a 2,n lost 6 marks.i divided wrongly n lost 5 marks.plus other careless mistakes,n that qn i didnt noe,i only managed 15marks.i was on the verge of crying in class today.cos i knew i was capable of better.i cant believe it.tearing over an a math test.oh well,i guess this just proves one thing.im lousy at time management.i cant cope w/ drama taking up half of my time.i guess im not an all -rounder then.hahhah..ok gtg now.i haf to d well for geog.Dear Lord Jesus Christ,plsplspls help me.
n everyone,pls pray for drama to get a gold w/ honours.thank u.
my fingers r crossed,my faith's in God.

ambitions

2005-04-08T22:38:00.000+08:00

i just read swampland #1.its utterly disgusting,but sooo interesting.anyone out there with swampland#2 aka Tankworld ,pls pls pls lend it to me.the only available copy is at woodlands library n there's no way im travelling all th way there.

today i realised one day, I wanna be the President of Singapore.it'll be an easy job.the PM gets all the dirty work.

i wanna be a great actress!one that will knock ppl's socks off their feet,make them gasp in amazement,stare at me in awe.yup thats what i wanna do.i'm scared for syf drama.im actually contented with just a silver,though everyone else is like aiming for gold with honours.i cant speak loud n clear enough.i just feel like i cant do it.

I want my faith back.im losing it slowly.i shd take control of my life now.stop letting temptation creep in,stop satan fr turning me away fr God.I need God deperately in my life now.I m praying for me,but why am i not feeling Him?HelpmedearLordJesusChrist.

It cant be true.he cant be like that.its tooo sick beyond thinking.eeeww.no way.im sad.he shouldnt,wouldnt,cant.den y am i taking their side?

I need God.now!

happy birthday!!!

2005-04-06T21:07:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DOTS N SALT!!!!!
my cats r 8 yrs old today!!they're so old!!n ive realised theyve been with me for like half my life already.wow!!!thats fast!!

got my hair cut

2005-04-01T21:25:00.000+08:00

i got my hair cut today at this place in roxy square called mode.i was apprehensive at first cs the woman dere wasnt being nice wen she was gona cut saaji's hair,n she was practically chasing the rest of us out.i lost all faith in the shop wen a cockrosch ran out from under the chair i was sitting in n hid beneath some locks of hair near the hair-cutting chairs.but anway i cut my hair in the end,n i realli liked it wen she finished with it.at least my hair has shapE now.hahah..but now ive come home.im beggining to tink i look much older wit this hairstyle,n kinda look like aunty joan now. i dunno la..its just that my fringe is super short now.eee.but overall i look better now.

anyway.wat makes a best fren.aft that whole long talk,im not sure rite now.i dunno wat to do.i'll just pray la.for the best.

normal

2005-03-29T19:47:00.000+08:00

i read wat i wrote on sunday.i sound like a grumpy old fart.hahah..im feeling much better now,but i wont take back all i said on sunday.anyway i hope my mum allows me to go n cut my hair on friday.realli pray she'll allow me.i duno how to ask her though.cos if she asks me who's gonna pay,i cant say me,cos im absolutely broke,n no one else wants to pay for me.aiya..i sound sooo poor..hahah..nyway,dots claw came out the other day wen she was fighting with mr.p.so she went to the vet today,n now she has to wear this cone-like thingy on her head,to prevent her from biting her paw.haha..so funny it is.she's walking ard the house like she's drunk n keeps hitting into things.reminds me of the time daddy let her drink some wine,n she was walking all funny..hahah..ok gtg eat dinner now,n den do legacy project.the sch's out to get us i tell u.y else wld dey give us a cme project to do on the parliament,wen dey noe we have so many other impt CAs n projects to do?

changed.

2005-03-27T22:38:00.000+08:00

changed my blogskin.again.needed a darker one.to refelct my mood these days.i dun noe y ive been feeling quite down these days.must be pms.or something else?was thinking abt 1st kisses n all that shit yesterday.am i losing out just cos i havent experienced all that yet?well sometimes i feel i have.im gonna be 16 these yr already.n yet i still havent grown up in a way.im not ready to grow up.im quite sure of that.im not ready to let go some stuff.n yet i sometimes want to.

guess im just a confused child.

ttchpp

2005-03-22T21:33:00.000+08:00

im quite happy n sad.
Happy~
1)i passed chem FINALLY!12.5/23..hahha..
2)i got the form prize for english..hahah...duno how that happened..haha
Anyway all praise goes to God.Hallelujah!!!

Sad~
1)i tink he likes elia
2)i duno if i like being used just to get other ppls numbers
3)i feel like a fool sometimes.

ok so anyway went to acs barker for syf drama rehearsals.st pats came along halfway.d.j,marc n two other guys.so anyway marc rmbed me!hahah..but i noe i dun like him anymore cos i dun get that warm fuzzzy feeling i used to get wenever i tot of him.so anyway i tink they liked eliacos they all were looking at her n one of them wanted to ask d.j to give him my number just so he can get elia's n nadia's number.i tink im being used.but thank God d.j didnt give him my number.its kinda degrading for me if u tink of it in tht way..aiya.oh well..there are other pressing issues rite now.like i simply am not acting well for syf!shit!i noe i can do it better.but i somehow just cant...aiya...oh well i better go now study for a math tmr.hope i pass!

wheee

2005-03-11T19:44:00.000+08:00

i realised i haf fluctuating moods.just like my exam marks. aniwae i got 18 pts for my l1r5..hey dat means for my l1r4,i 'll get 10 pts!not bad at all..hahhaha...im just cheering my self up,cos i noe i wana go jc,so my L1R5 pts only matter.
start of holidays today.though nxt wk is just fillled w/ hmwk n studying,im sure of dat.eeee.
i just toked to reisha,i realised i really do love her lot.though i do get angry w/ her sometimes..hahah..ok gtg now.i tink going out for dinner w/ my family,den later the neighbours r coming over for a midnight drink.i hope all their children come along,so we can go play by the canal or play something!tata!

:)

2005-03-06T17:31:00.000+08:00

ok ive been found.by God!
seriously.
went to church today.
felt much better.I have God,my Father,what else do i nd?
saw a cute guy today!!!yay!!!
my sleeping adrenaline hormones have been awakened!!!
eeeekk!!!he was soo cute!!
hevent seen a cute guy in a long time!!forgot how it feels!!
haha.
suppossed to b studying for bio now or doing chem project.
but i dun want to.
so there.
yay!!its good to be alive, n a loved child of God!
AMEN!

teenage angst

2005-03-05T16:31:00.000+08:00

i have found out what teenage angst is.
i used to think life is what u make it to be.
but now i realised that sometimes u may just be overwhelmed by a jumble of emotions
u just cant control.
u cant help but feel infrerior to other girls.
I dun like it.
Actually i hate it.
I'm lost now.
someone better find me.
quick.

its gona be a great day!

2005-03-03T17:12:00.000+08:00

today on the way to sch,i heard happy songs!!yay!!like best years of our lives by the baha men n another old song i cant rmb.so i started off the day optimistic-ly!!wat a wonderful feeling that is!!!!yay!!anyway snowy's feeling better,i tink.Thank God. So ive kinda got back on track,n im happy to say ive turned over a new leaf n haf started studying again!!!not as hard as i shd,but still enuf to keep me going!!!!yay for me!!!but i tink im kinda drifting fr God now..thats bad..its like everything's ok in my life rite now,so im dun feel that urgent nd to pray or somethin,which is so totally wrong.aiya..i want to be a great Christian.but wanting isnt the same as doing.
On a happier note,the holidays r nxt nxt wk!!!finally a break!!though i did haf a break fr sch yesterday cos i lost my voice..it was going off.now im utterly thankful for my voice.i realli nd it.therefore i shall use my voice to the fullest once i get it back!i cant wait :)

:((

2005-02-28T22:27:00.000+08:00

Snowy's sickk.he has like mites or something.i dun want him to die.im feeling soooooo sad now.im on the verge of tears.n if he dies u noe hu's fault it is?mine!i m such a bad owner,its no wonder he got sick.i hope he gets well soon.pls, God,heal him.n to everyone hu's reading this,thx for readin my blog,n pls pls pls pray for mr.Snowy k?he's sick n he looks so sad.n im as sad.pls pray for him to be healed immediately.he doesnt deserve the pain.thx for praying.God bless u.
oh n in case u dunno,Snowy's my hamster.

its a saturday!!

2005-02-26T10:49:00.000+08:00

i didnt go to sch yesterday!yay!!so i watched 2 vcds- Saved! n Cheaper by the Dozen.Saved! was...not reali nie..it was abt christianity n wat christians disapproved of..so its all set in dis christian sch in america..dis girl,mary, has like a perfect life so far..loves her family frens ,boyfrens n Jesus Christ.den she finds out her bf is gay.so she tries to turn him straight again by sleeping wit him cos she had a 'vision' that she needed to do that.but it didnt work cos his parents found out he was gay n sent him to thus centre for christians hu went the wrong way..den she finds out she's pregnant instead,so she begins to question her faith.her frenandy moore,whos a fanatical christian,has a fight wit her so she begins to hang out wit this jewish rebel girl,who goes against all the rules in sch..so aniwae it all ends with mary giving birth to a girl,n everyone hu matters in her life by her bedside wen she give birth in d end..but the thing is her gay bf has found a partner,n told the pastor,"i noe that i love jesus in my heart,n i noe He loves me."so i was thinking ya thats true,but He disapproves of ur lifestyle.just like how if u haf a fren,who u love alot,but she has a bad habit of say drinking,u'll still love her rite?even if u disapprove of her lifestye.but ultimately if ur best fren loves u alot,she'll be willing to sacrifice her lifestyle for u.so thats y the show was abit wierd..like the morals they were teaching was all wrong..like i noe homosexuality is wrong,but that doesnt mean i'll ostracize gays or lesbians.i just dissapprove of their lifestyle.its ultimately up to them though to change their wasy,the best i can do is to advice them n be there for them if they nd me.ok so aniwae,Cheaper by the Dozen was nice..i wished i had 11siblings.it'll be so fun!!!esp wit older brothers n younger brothers!!i wished i had brothers!!!but oh well 3 sisters is gd enuf,though we fight alot..haha..
went to the international festival of magic contest yesterday.amateur magicians competed.the singaporean magician was the best!his act included colourful doves n fire n glitter!nice!a japanese girl won the contest!but hers was boring.her's included cards,cards n more cards.the singaporean guy shd haf won.oh well.gtg now.c ya!

yay!!

2005-02-20T15:52:00.000+08:00

yay!!my blog's fixed up now!!!just haf to update some stufff den everything'll be perfect!!!im sooooo happy there's no ca on tues!i cld finally relax on the weekend!yay!!u noe something?i dun tink ive kept all my resolutions...or even one,well i'll try hard again..we got the new car yesterday!!!!its so big!now my sisters n i can finally sit comfortably in the car!normally we're all squeezed up in either car we took,but now we're so much happier in the toyota picnic!!i love it!!!!we haf named it Blue.cos its blue.our other car was named Cutie cos it was so cute-ly shaped..but now we dun haf it any more..i was kinda sad at first cos Cutie was going away,but after sitting in the new car,i forgot abt Cutie..my parents also installed a dvd player in the car,so everytime we go into the car,our eyes r just glued to the screen.no more scenic rides for me anymore.haha..i just realised i sound mad,cos i have an emotional attachment to a car,but oh well,im an emotional person den.
aniwae,i feel reali blessed cos i have everything i nd,but yet im still complaining,i shd try to change my ways.so aniwae Thank U,God!!He's realli blessed my family!yay!!
k gtg do the geog project now,or go to slp,whichever comes first.

oh no wat can the matter be

2005-02-17T19:55:00.000+08:00

someting's seriusly wrong with my template..i must haf screwed up somewhere,just like how ive been screwing up my exams.oh well..try to fix things tmr.gona eat now,den haf tuition,then go study geog!!

Happy Valentine's Day!!!

2005-02-13T12:08:00.000+08:00

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!!!!!!!hugs n kisses to all of u!!!ok i noe im early but thats cos i noe i wont be free tmr,cos i have to revise bio for the bio ca tmr..oh well hope i do well..pray i do well..ok gtg study bio n make valentine day gifts if i have the time!!!

holidays!!

2005-02-07T17:42:00.000+08:00

yay!!!its the holidays!!although its like for only 2 n a half days,but so wat!im happy with watever holiday i can get.ok so i tot sec4 life wont be that hard,a little bit more stressed than sec3 life at the most.boy was i wrong.its like 10times more stressing!!all i tink abt dis days r my results.had 4 ca results back already,out of 4, i only passed 1 omly..darn it..im so stressed,how m i ever gona get 6pts at this rate?guess only wit God's help.aniwae im bored with my blog layout.time to find a new one~whee!oh n created another blog,for all the stories ive written,but haven updated it yet,will do so as soon as i find all the compos ive written.aniwae the blog's lovesongsforasaviour.blogspot.com
check it out nxt wk,things shd be up by den,i hope.

1st day of the 2nd mth of the new yr

2005-02-01T18:40:00.000+08:00

imagine.justlike 31 days ago was the first day of the 1st mth of the new yr...1mth already.haf i accomplished anything?dun reali tink so.ive kinda broken my new yrs resolutions,tho dis is like the longest ive ever kept dem..haha..im supposed to be doing the script for the talk show on singlish for eng class.but i haf no inspiration watsoever.(soory debo!!)my brain cells are dead i suppose.how can they be alive aft being subjected too intolerable torture by going tru a lit ca n den an e math ca,one aft another...eeee....i guesss i shd at least try to write something..ya i tink i'l do that..

the silver lining

2005-01-26T19:28:00.000+08:00

yay!!!ive got the part of sarah in the syf play!!!!!!!!this is like the 1st time ive got a lead/major part in a play!!!!!yay!!!so aniwae b4 dat during sch,i was realli feeling low,cos ive lost someone's bk,hu specificly told me to take gd care of it cos she hasnt read it yet.so aniwae after she loan me the bk yesterday i opened the bk n dere was a handwritten note fr her mum n at the end it said,'love,mummy'.i tink it was a present fr her mum.n somehow,during yesterday i lost it!!!i duno where i put it.inside the studion or at the bench or at the physical fitness area!!!shoot.ive been praying real hard but i duno if its working.i feel soooooooo bad.how cld i lose a bk like dat?!!!!shoots.i felt like crying b4 drama.
but getting the sarah part brightened me up alot.i m happy.happier than i tot il be.so yay!!!thank God for it.i was praying for God to give me the part if i wld do a gd job and handle my studies,so now that ive got the part it means that i will be able to do it,so i must now put in lots of effort..i will persevere.i hope n pray il find the bk.everyone else,pls pray for me too k?

stressed beyond stressed

2005-01-25T20:17:00.000+08:00

we haf 4 CAs nxt wk.4 CAs!!im utterly stressed now.depressed beyond depressed cos of the a-math ca today.throughout the hole paper i was like,'im screwed im screwed oh shit'.i nvr knew a math cld be that hard.i realised that there's too many things to study for n so little time.there's a feeling of apprehension n stress n anxiousness present in my body since the a math test.i feel like vomitting n there this quesiness in my stomach that will just not go away!i wish i cld just say

STOP

n take a break from life.n u noe wat the bad thing is?its only the 4TH week of sch n im feeling like dis.u noe wat the worst thing is?sheng jie found a WHITE HAIR on me!a WHITE!HAIR!shit i must be realli realli stressed!though it was like 5cm white starting from the tip,but still its white!!!ive nvr been dis stressd in my life.even for psle!!!!shitty-shit.

aniwae on a lighter note,we had drama today.got the script for syf.its abt marriagequite nice.tried out for the role of arah,the ditzy,happy cousin of tracy,the story the girl is abt.chose her cos first of all she has like the fewest lines,n 2ndly shes the only character i tink i cld do.so aniwae i kinda got shortlisted for the role.me,yasmin n priya.duno hu will get,oth r gd.i tot abigail was the best but she didnt get picked :( the reading of the script actualli took my mind of stress for a while.reali thankful for that.tmr the cast will be announced.there's only like 7,8 or 9 parts so i wonder hu will get it.aiya if i get picked i'll be happy,if i dun't than il do lighting,which i hope will be easy.

superficiality/deepness

2005-01-19T18:20:00.000+08:00

sometimes i tink its just the pretty girls who get the luck.unfairness!just cos they're pretty,ppl make exceptions for them,ppl like them,ppl tend to just gravitate to them,both guys n girls.just cos they're pretty!!i mean wat sense is dere in dat?some pretty girls r just plain b-i-t-c-h-y n mean,but do u tink ppl care?nope.most of the time dey dun.the pretty girls just tend to get the best guys.sheesh.
aniwae i find it increasingly hard to keep my moral values these days..like to not lie,to keep my words kinda pure(though i do use shit n idiot in my dictionary,though i dun really tink they're bad words),to follow rules that r gd for me, in other words just being a good christian.but sometimes ppl just make it sooooo hard.like the other day,i was asking some frens abt dun they feel bad wen dey lie to their parents,n one of them told me "ppl hu dun lie dun get far in life".
i was sumhow insulted by what she said cos my moral values mean alot to me,n to haf someone actually criticise my way of living,isnt something i take quite likely.so i retorted,'well at least i'l go to heaven',n no one answered to that.looking back i dun tink i shd haf said dat cos we r all of diff religions,so it wasnt a very nice thing to say,n besides how sure am I that im going to heaven?i mean im 100% sure i must believe in jesus Christ to get to heaven,but how if i die,wen im in one of my angry ready to kill mood?die...aiya dis is giving me a headache.im going off.ta-ta!!

sheesh

2005-01-16T13:54:00.000+08:00

im in such a foul mood today.the foulest of the foulest.the worse mood ive ever been dis yr.stupid sisters of mine.they refuse to do house work n i have to do it.n wen my mum comes home,who does she scold?me!idiots they r i tell u.i feel like screaming.who do they tink i m?their maid?sheesh!

happybirthday!!

2005-01-14T22:12:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALANNA JOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
my sis is 12 today.may God bless her with tolerance n patience so that she will stop screaming at us.haha..but most of all may He bless her with faith,one of the most wonderful-est gifts in d world!!

blahhhnblehhs

2005-01-12T19:22:00.000+08:00

i wrote like half a post yesterday den b4 cld save it,the computer decided to terminate my internet connection,so my whole post is gone.n dere's no way im gonna write everything all over again.so too bad.
i was not happy today.normally im happy everyday.no teen angst problems except for an occassional one.but today someone spoiled my mood in d morning.n poof!all my happiness flowed out of me.i mean i noe i shdnt let anyone make me feel sad just like dat.but somehow i did.n i just wasnt happy,not really sad.but just not happy.know that feeling?well i hate it,so i hope im happy once again tmr :)

2005!!

2005-01-02T13:38:00.000+08:00

so its oficially 2005 now..its the 2nd day already.time flies by..so aniwae 2004 was a great yr.made tons of friends..was quite a gd christian..studied hard in term1 n 2..lets not tok abt term 3 n 4..adopted mr.princess..generally had a fun yr.im reali thankful for 2004..hope 2005's just as gd,or even better!

went to the new creation church today.1st time dere..cos the last time my family went,i just couldnt wake up..so aniwae service was great!!!makes me wana live my life for God now!!!it was abt learning to let go,as in leave everything to God.do not worry abt stuff,He will take care of everything so ya..il just leave it to God to make me get 6pts for the o-levels..haha...so anyway onto my new yr's resolutions now,i shall make some now..

1~~*to be a GREAT student,do my hmwk,determind,hardworking,perservering til aft the o levels.
2~~*to let go.give God full control of my life.
3~~*to save money
4~~*to file my wksheets
5~~*to be a gd daughter
6~~*to walk in faith with Christ
7~~*to stick to all my plans n keep my resolutions n not break them like i do every year

yup,2005 will be a gd yr!praise the Lord!:)

last day`

2004-12-31T18:29:00.000+08:00

its the last day of 2004!!!!!its been a great yr..im so gonna miss it..i can wait for 2005..the longer it takes to come the better...aniwae,was watchin the news on the tsunami..reali reali reali sad..i cried while watching one advert showing this malay man tellling abt how he lost his daughter..i feel kinda helpless...like even if i donate its not gona make much of a diff...n im hearing stories of how some ppl r collecting funds for the victims,but using it for themselves instead...how selfish can ppl get?so all i can do now is pray.im just happy n thank God i so far noe no one who's been a victim of the tsunami.

so gona go gail's house n spend the evening eating!!but having prayers wit my family fotr the new year..for blessings n Christ's guidance..gona spend a quiet new years eve today..to rmb ppl hu r not as fortunate as us.

have a blessed 2005 everyone!!

merry Christmas!!!

2004-12-29T14:14:00.000+08:00

Its Christmas!!!!actualli it was Christmas 4 days ago,but then again it isnt called the 12 days of Christmas for nothing..on the 26th,we had a Christmas dinner,mostly the neighbours came over.i learnt a lot of things that day.i have found out that i have murderous thoughts abt nigel.wenever he speaks i feel like killing him.even just looking at him makes me wanna kill him.ive also found out that mark is deranged cos he tinks i told him some stuff which i never did.ive also found out that timothy deserves to be bashed up cos he called me huge n big-sized,n i tink he meant it.n i realised girls are much more mature than guys no matter how immature we may be.

2004 is gona be over in a few days..imagine dat!!im feeling so nostalgic..i dun want the new yr to start...mostly cos it means sch wil start n i haven completed any hmwk!!!oh well...nvm..

i dun haf any new yrs resolution yet..except maybe to study harder be a better sudent..all dat type of stuff.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!!!!GOD BLESS!!!!!!!!

interesting

2004-12-21T20:03:00.000+08:00

today i had an interesting day.i went out with caroline n kim.saw leandra fr singapore idol at far east,5min later saw kirstin at far east,turns out she was meeting leandra n some other guys to hang out.walked along orchard rd,in front of taka ard dere,saw a woman lying on the floor,having a fit,she prob has epilepsy.no one knew how to reali help her;a big crowd was just gathered dere.she was foaming at the mouth a bit too.poor woman,if i only knew how to help..
went paragon to spend metro vouchers,saw leandra with kirstin n others again,didnt spend a thing at metro.shopped awhile at taka aft dat,now im home.n guess wat?i haf a blister on my toe n on the sole of my feet.pure agony.the rest of my legs are in pain too.

yes,i guess i did haf an interesting day.

jingle bells

2004-12-20T13:49:00.000+08:00

christmas is FIVE days away?n guess how presents ive bought for ppl?ZERO!im doomed..like a fish left out of water,like an insect b4 a can of mortein,like a cat left..umm.. i tink u get the picture.ive also not completed any hmwk..im like on qn 6 for emath,not even halfway tru amath n haven even looked at chem..im dead..so much for my plan to be a fabulous student,hu completes her hmwk..well,i stil haf nxt yr..aniwae,went to my neighbours'(mark n nigel) church youth chalet on fri,though half the ppl dere were adults...it was..unbelievable..i nvr knew a church congrgation cld be that unfriendly n unwelcoming..all the other christian churches ive been to were like friendly,like st.hildas,ccr...ohmygdness..it was horrific..i wanted to get out of there asap..i mean at first,the girls were like friendly,introduced themselves n all..then as it progressed,they left us alone,while like the rest of them went upstairs,n we were left alone downstairs wit mark,cos stupid nigel was tryin to be mr.cool n helping out wit everyting..so we decided to go play pool,aft goin upstairs n being rudely 'chased' out of the games that the small children were playin upstairs,by an idiotic small brat of a boy..i tell u it was so hard to stand ard n smile n look like i was havin fun,wen i wanted to run away as fast as possible..the only nice part was the pool part..im totally lousy at pool..the first ball i hit in was the last ball left on the table,then n08 ball,n den mark said it wasnt counted cos i had both feet of the grd wen i hit it in..ya he conveniently decided to tell me that AFTER i hit the ball in..so well that was wat happened..n thank God we went home abt 9,cos i quickly asked my parents to come ASAP.

on a lighter note,Chriatmas is 5 DAYS AWAY..merrry Christmas everyone!!!!!!!